I Breathe, 'Cause That's All That's Left
by HeadedForHell
Summary: A What If sprung from Friday's episode, v. angsty. It's about Newt, what would happen if he had died? How would people take it? What about the people left behind? Better summary inside, please R&R!


This is the first thing I've published in a while, so yeah. It's basically a What If? set after the ep on 9.10.09.

In the episode, Newt lives. This is what I think would happen if he died...

Don't get me wrong, I love Newt, and I cried at this ep. But... I had to write this, the idea would not leave me alone.

Please R&R!

I heart u all

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I Breathe, 'Cause That's All That's Left

"Newt…" Lauren whispered hoarsely, sobbing uncontrollably and squeezing Newt's cold hand as she watched Jack try to bring him back.

But, though she could hardly bring herself to think it, he was gone, she heard Jack crying, but she could barely register it.

"Newt… I love you." she choked.

She always had, and she always would, even. Why had this happened? Why had she, the police, everyone, just let a sixteen year old kill himself? It wasn't right, it wasn't fair. Newt could have had an amazing future, but now it was gone. He would never go to school again, never go to college, university. She would never have him, they could never be together. Her mind travelled back to the night they had lost their virginity to each other. It hadn't been perfect, but it had been close enough for her.

As the memories filled her mind, it struck her that this was her fault. She should have forced Newt to take his medication, whatever it took, not thrown it on the floor in front of him in a rage. She, Lauren Valentine, had killed her best friend, that's what it came down to. She was little more than a murderer.

Frankie smiled sadly as she closed the storybook and looked from Charlie to Jake. It broke her heart that Jake had to keep away from his own son. And it broke her heart that Newt was missing. Why couldn't things just go right for once?

Jack's sobs finally shuddered to a halt as he realised what he now had to do. He had to call the police, Lauren's dad, and… and Frankie. Oh Frankie. Surely she had enough to deal with. It was bad enough when Newt was missing, but now they'd found him, and he was never coming back. Jack knew his wife wouldn't take it well, she shouldn't be expected to. She loved Newt, as did he, like he was their own son.

"Hello?" Casually, Calvin picked up the phone while pulling on a clean shirt.

"Hi, Calvin. It's Jack Osborne, is your dad there?"

"Yeah, just give me two seconds."

After about a minute, Leo Valentine came onto the phone.

"What is it?" He frowned, "If you want Lauren, she isn't here."

"I have Lauren, I was phoning to ask if you could pick her up?"

"What's she doing? Have you found Newt?"

Jack swallowed, he couldn't cry again, not yet, "Newt's dead."

"Frankie, oh God." Jack hugged Frankie tightly as soon as he stepped into the room.

She froze under his embrace, her blood running cold.

"Jack, what is it, is it Newt?"

He breathed out slowly, nodding, he had to keep it together.

"Newt… he's… he killed himself. I tried to save him, but it just wasn't meant to be."

Instantly, she burst into tears, crumbling against him, "No! He can't be, not Newt…"

Jack was ready for her reaction, well, as ready as was possible, and stroked her hair. Again, his tears fell. He couldn't remember just how life had been before they fostered Newt, but he knew it wouldn't be the same again. Honestly, how could it be?

Lauren sat on her bed, staring at the black wall. He was gone, how could Newt be dead? Tears were falling onto her red hoodie, and her eyeliner was smudged, but she didn't give a damn. She had to face life without Newt, nothing would ever matter to her again. She made a promise to never care about anyone but herself ever again in her life, because all that happened was that she hurt people, and got hurt in return.

Anita sat, nub, staring at the brief text message Lauren had just sent her.

'THIS IS NOT A JOKE- Newt is dead. He killed himself. He is gone. RIP.'

Although she didn't want to, she believed her. Anita knew that Lauren would never joke about Newt dying in a million years. But what she couldn't understand about it, was how Newt would become that desperate. Eli had to have some part to play, she was sure. She wanted to phone Lauren to ask what had really happened, but she refrained. This was her fault, and it wasn't the time.

'TEENAGE SUICIDE

Yesterday afternoon, a sixteen year old seemingly on the run ended his life by jumping into water from scaffolding. Barry "Newt" Newton was diagnosed with schizophrenia some time previously, but was not taking his medication at the time of his death. Those close to him are said to be heartbroken, though his foster parents, Jack and Frankie Osborne are unavailable for comment.'

Lauren's eyes quickly scanned the newspaper article. A school photo of Newt took up at least half the page. '…are said to be heartbroken;' Well, that was understatement of the century. She had texted Anita as soon as she got home after… it happened, but she hadn't received a reply. She turned round, watching so many people walking around, going about their business. A group of students were laughing and mucking about on their way to college. A harassed looking mum was staring down at a screaming toddler. But for Lauren, her life was far from normal now. College, Uni, kids… before, she'd been thinking about what she would do when she left school,. Now, she was trying deliberately _not_ to think in order to survive the day.

She kicked the ground, "I breathe, 'cause that's all that's left."

Anita folded the newspaper that had been lying on the table back up and wiped her tears away. This was her fault, if she hadn't put Gaz in a coma, Newt would never have ran away, he'd never have killed himself. She couldn't believe just what she'd done. How was she supposed to forgive herself? She was a killer, that was what it added up to at the end of the day.

Frankie was sat in Newt's bedroom, on his bed, today's newspaper at her feet where it had fallen, picture side up. She was sobbing so much she barely noticed it anymore. Jack was out, making arrangements for the funeral. She knew he felt exactly the same as he did, and was grateful that he was staying strong, organising, planning, completing endless forms, on the phone to police, psychiatrists, social workers. She knew that if it had fallen to her, she wouldn't have coped. She just wished she's had a chance to say goodbye to the boy she loved like a son.

A week had passed since Newt's death, and Lauren and Anita were sat in Anita's bedroom. It had been the funeral that morning, something they had previously believed they'd never make it through. However, they had, though it had helped neither. Now, they were talking.

"Who was that girl and the funeral? She had green hair, sat at the back." Anita asked.

Lauren shrugged, "I don't know. I've never seen her before."

"How… how do you think she knew Newt?"

"Maybe they were at a Care Home together? She seemed really upset."

"Who wasn't? I feel really sorry for Jack and Frankie, they blame themselves. When… when it was my fault."

"How do you mean?" Lauren frowned.

Anita took a deep breath, "_I_ put Gaz in a coma, it wasn't Newt. I… I had to tell you before I… I gave myself up to the police.

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Kay, so wahat did you think??? Please review, you'll get (imaginary) cookies. I have a vague outline for a multi chapter fic that could spring from this, featuring the girl Lauren and Anita are talking about, if I get good enough reviews.


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